The next move/2

ولاحظت ان أختك على وشك البكاء، تحاول ان لا تبكي. عار عليك يا محطم القلوب. كانت هذه بداية الانجراف إلى العالم الجديد دون أي أقارب بالقرب مني. أعلم أنني لم أرتق إلى مستوى توقعاتهم ولم يخبروني أبدًا بشيء من شأنه أن يؤذيني. أنا مدين لهم بالكثير ولن يعوض شيء غيابهم لأنهم كانوا سعادة ، ودافعوا عن الحرية والخير. لم يكن من الممكن أن يثلج صدرها الاحتمال الذي يلوح في الأفق.

English version

Losing control over circumstances as time gets by. M. on leaving the airport, felt sad and thus shed a tear, the farwell tear and loneliness. Remember the sadness in your mother face, how she endeavored to hide her anger at you for leaving her. You cryed in your dreams. That morning many family members were there trying to lift your spirit and you spotted your sister, close to tears, trying not to cry. Shame on you, heartbreaker.

And you noticed that your sister is trying not to cry. Shame on you, heartbreaker. This was the beginning of drifting off to the new world without any relatives near me. I know I did not live up to their expectations and they never told me anything that would hurt me. I owe them a great deal and nothing will make up for their absence because they were Happiness, and defended freedom and goodness. She could not be heartened by the looming prospect.

If only I could go back in time! I would very much have liked to stay with them instead of leaving them and consequently not causing myself so much unnecessary pain.

To make that decision which inflicted on me so many torments, I should have played heads or tails. However, as the Moroccan saying goes «When God wants to torment the ant He gives it wings»
Would the reader label him a callous son? He grew desillusioned and there nothing he could derive mind comfort from. But pangs of conscience will last.